Luke 12:48b

"From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."

Lately, I have been a mess. Honestly, just crying and hurting; everything seems to add to my pain. A brief description: had to end relationships in order to continue a lifestyle of obedience, entered relationships in faith, was rejected then accepted, lonely and desiring a family, got my first ticket & cried the entire time, distracted so much that i did poorly on two exams that i knew the information for, my oldest brother got hit a few times by a car & seriously injured, my mom & little brother packed up and headed to ohio to take care of him, unexpected bills came my way, mom took my car to ohio, without any support moving out, have no idea where i am going to move my stuff to, and just now realizing that i may need to cancel the job that i was taking in Thomasville in order to support my brother.

All of the pain and confusion that has come my way is just an obstacle that I am able to overcome, simply because my Savior is greater than all of the trials I face. The Lord, Jesus Christ, has faithfully interceded for me my entire life. He has gone to the Father and made a way for me to be free. As undeserving as I am, He allowed me to live a year and a half full of great peace and understanding. Through His Spirit, He filled me with wisdom and hope. Instead of leaving me alone, He made a way for me to always be with Him.

In the beginning of my walk with God, everything was beautiful. There was not a trial that came my way big enough to distract me. He allowed me to see that nothing could ever separate me from His love! He filled me in ways that I will never be able to explain. Much has been given to me.

It is not in my own strength or accomplishments that I can boast, for I did nothing on my own. All that I am has been handed to me as a gift. Acknowledging that Papa God has given me all that I am reminds me to place my trust completely in Him. He gave me joy, unlike anything I have ever seen before. Honestly, there would be times where I just laughed for hours straight. There was no reason for laughter, no one told a joke or did anything funny. It was just God and I. The purity of His presence released joy over me. There were times when peace ruled out everything that I was. It almost got to a point where people were concerned. Instead of sitting around questioning things, I sat in peace and rested fully in God. I remember faith like a child. It was great, it was real. Anything He asked me to do, I did it. Not because I had the strength to, but because He gave me the resources needed to do it.

People surrounding me did not understand. They did not get it. They thought that pride covered me and that I thought I was better than them. When I realized that they were feeling inadequate around me, I started working at pleasing them. This caused a problem within my own mind. Instead of living wholeheartedly for the Father, I was pleasing man and working hard to do so. I was in control. Even though I knew God was over all, I was trying to take over something that was not mine to take over. My life is not my own, but His. He is in control.

What He has given me, was never for myself. Yes, I benefit from the gifts... but they are not to be used for me. The gifts I have been given are to equip me to bring others to an understanding of the purity of God. To an understanding of the love of my Father.

I am not great. I am not perfect. I am a sinner. I am weak. BUT.. HE IS GREAT! HE IS PERFECT! HE IS SINLESS! HE IS STRONG!

He has given me so much. There are times when I am overwhelmed at the thought of His favor in my life. There are times when I all I can do is weep and thank Papa for always taking care of me.

The truth is, much has been taken from me... but the Greater truth is MUCH HAS BEEN GIVEN TO ME! He has given me great wisdom, understanding, knowledge, insight, peace, joy, faithfulness, kindness... and because He has given me so much, MUCH IS DEMANDED OF ME!

Instead of pleasing man, I am here to please my Father! I am here to bless my God! He has given me so much. What I have gained, I want to use. It would be pointless to sit around and dwell on what I do not have. What I do have is greater. I have a Savior, Father, Friend, Lover, Husband, Brother! I have a God who loves me! I have a God who has given me much! Now, I must do much with what I have been given!

Let us not look to what we do not have, but instead let our focus be on what we do have! We have Him! We have much! Much is required.

"Let us be lovers who work"